Will you read my rap?

I think its got a lot of potential. You have some decent rhymes and such. My only advice would be to really pay attention to your syllable count and stuff in lines. If you rap aloud as you write i would also advise you to start at the beginning and rap the whole thing outloud to make sure you know where you are going to have spaces to breathe and such. i used to write things that fit line by line but if i tried to say the whole thing top to bottom i would have places that had too many or too few syllables and it messes up the flow of the rap and all that, so going through the whole thing to make sure everything fits where it needs to definitely helps. Other than that, i would just say keep at it, the more you do it the better it'll get. Also, remember hiphop is like poetry and it doesn't always have to be perfect english and all that, and it doesn't always have to be a perfect rhyme, it doesn't even really have to rhyme if you have a good rhythm to it. I do a little rapping when i have time so if you ever feel like talking about rapping or hiphop feel free to hit me up.